Perspective is really a problem for us humans. We all live in our own realities, and when our realities come in contact with each other, they can do any number of crazy dances together. It is not uprising then that when conflicting perspectives come in contact with each other, they can create an energy explosion. This can manifest in argument, fighting (verbal or physical), and its ultimate end is war.
The crazy thing about perspective is that it can always change at any given time, but with most people, it is only the natural change of aging that changes how people see the world, or only after a catastrophic event makes them reevaluate their life. Without one of the two previous events from occurring, many people will fight the problem with something that doesn’t work, and keep fighting it the same way until the whole situation gets worse and worse.
- Look at what the person is extremely passionate about – Once you discover someone’s real passions, a whole new world of communication opens between you and them, but it is largely unconscious on their part. This does not mean that you intrude on their lives and ask them what they are passionate about after just meeting them. Do they belong to any extracurricular groups? Are they really involved in their work? Are they deeply religious or family people? Once you know someone’s passions, you can then steer the conversation to make them more involved, and they will be thankful that you paid attention. It really is an amazing way to open communication, or even just to make friends.
- Look to see what kind of friends the person has – People are usually surrounded by people like themselves. People want to feel validated in how they feel, so they find others like them an make friends with them. If you are unsure about someone, see what type of people they socialize with. Are they athletic, book-worms, substance abusers, all work-no play types, etc?
- Try to understand that they feel they are 100% right – We all feel this way to a certain extent. We use excuses at times that life is not fair, or say something “shouldn’t” have happened, or think that our ideas our best. Our strength as people lies in our cooperation, however. Two people that think they are 100% right = a problem, though. You must be the strong one and concede first, that way the other person does not have to feel so defensive and they will possibly begins seeing your good points and seeing that you are a reasonable person.
- Realize that the person’s perspective may not be one they chose – Some people have not been lucky in life and may have experienced certain events that stay with them forever unless they willingly try to fix them. One of the main purposes of my blog is to help people realize that, maybe with time, you can change your life 180 degrees if you choose. Some people, unfortunately, will never receive that message, or realize that it is true. They are stuck, therefore, in their perspective. These situations are often difficult to deal with, however, I do not suggest empathy. Empathy will only fuel the fire and you will make it seem to them like they are really right for feeling the way they do, because, hey, other people seem to think they are right. Straight out ignoring and redirecting the conversation is probably the best way to deal with it. Create Your “Brand”.If you are in a creative industry you may have greater leeway in this area.
- Live as they do and see how you would feel, then figure a way out of it for them – Coming from the outside, it is easier to see people then to see yourself. Sometimes the urge to give suggestions is almost overpowering, but we hold our tongues, because usually we want others to ask questions first about these type of things. Are they having a hard time with relationships? Or serious money issues? It is not merely enough to imagine ourselves into these situations, sometimes we really have to live them to feel their effects. Using an outsider’s perspective, we can usually make more logical and less emotional decisions of good ways to proceed past problems.
Once the avenues of communication between people are opened and the guards are let down, you can really begin to make progress in your relationships, be it at home, at work, at church, wherever.